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Everton 1 Chelsea 0
It’s weird to keep reading José Mourinho making out that Chelsea battered Everton on Saturday but simply failed to convert their chances. Both sides were fairly cagey, passing the ball […]
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West Ham Preview
It’s all about the journey these days, isn’t it? It used to be about having passion, but now everybody has that, for everything, and so whether you are a sportsman, […]
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West Ham 2 Everton 3
Before we begin, it’s important to remember that Saturday’s game wasn’t about the result, but more an opportunity for the footballers of the Premier League to keep chasing that rainbow. […]
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Manchester City Preview
What are you meant to make of this lot? Manchester City were once quintessentially British in their hangdog awfulness, the footballing equivalent of Hywel Bennet in Shelley, but now they […]
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Manchester City 3 Everton 1
According to the nice people at Newsnow, the reason that stories from this website haven’t been appearing on theirs is because they filter for cuss words and won’t publish articles […]
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Aston Villa Preview
‘Yeah, so they have offered me a new contract, which is fantastic. I’m going to go in and sign it on Monday. You’re stripes.’ ‘Woah, steady on son. Are you […]
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Tottenham Hotspur Preview
In a completely transparent bid to drum up interest and provoke controversy in a publication that nobody really reads we approached Russell Brand to guest edit This Is Not Football […]
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Everton 0 Tottenham Hotspur 0
As we vainly looked for a decent ending to the preview we fell back on the tried and trusted ‘should be a cracker’, a statement that managed to be simultaneously […]
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Crystal Palace 0 Everton 0
You have probably gathered already that the lack of a preview for this game was in fact an achingly post-post-modern comment on a match in which almost nothing of any […]
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Liverpool Preview
Ahoy hoy! It’s been a while. International breaks are normally an absolute nuisance but it’s allowed This Is Not Football some valuable time to find a way around the stringent […]
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Everton 3 Liverpool 3
‘These are nothing special. The only thing we have to fear here is just being typical Everton’. Five minutes later Philippe Coutinho is left completely unmarked at a corner and […]
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Stoke City Preview
Ok, first thing’s first, as we said the other day, a big chunk of this was going to be about Leighton Baines and the various permutations available to cover for […]
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Everton 4 Stoke City 0
First of all, an apology. Last week, while musing on how Roberto Martinez would cope with the absence of Leighton Baines, we deduced that Bryan Oviedo’s absence from the derby […]
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Manchester United Preview
Manchester, so much to answer for. In an extremely unusual move this beginning bit has actually been rewritten. It originally started off looking over David Moyes’s time at Everton and how […]
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Arsenal 1 Everton 1
London’s a very big place Mr Shadrach, a very big place. A man could lose himself in London. Lose himself. Lose himself in London. Not Everton though. The Mighty Blues […]
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Fulham Preview
Let’s do it for Martin Jol. You have to feel for the big Dutchman don’t you, when you think of him on that crisp, fateful morning, turning into the training […]
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Everton 4 Fulham 1
As ‘wake up calls’ go, a 4-1 win that takes you up into fourth place is far from the worst sort. Despite Roberto Martinez’s warnings about taking Fulham lightly though, […]
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Swansea Preview
‘The English language is the wall that divides us, and ‘fuck’ is my chisel’ – Tommy Tiernan, 2008 Right then, Swansea City away. It’s going to be a short one […]
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Sunderland and Southampton and That
The games are officially coming all Darren Huckerby now – that’s right, ‘thick and fast’ – so once again we adopt the lazy-arse scattergun approach of talking about what’s going […]
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Everton 4 Queens Park Rangers 0
Previously, on This Is Not Football… Right, so after we got beat by Sunderland we had a hard game against Southampton, especially with a couple of big players suspended, but […]
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